How afraid does a girl have to be before someone listens?

The case

Irena sought protection for her daughters, but her requests were ignored. When she tried to protect them herself, she lost custody of the children.

The story of many migrant women

Irena’s story is that of many migrant women living in Barcelona. Irena met a Spaniard, fell in love and married him. With a shared future in mind, she left her home, family and friends in Poland to live in sunny Spain. She learned the language and, step by step, built a new life here. When she left Poland she knew little about intimate partner violence and was not prepared for it; no one is. When, years later, her Prince Charming began to use violence against her — first coercive control and economic abuse, and eventually physical violence — she did not know how to defend herself. She tried to avoid contact with her ex-husband and to protect her daughters from him. She then discovered that she had no right to do so. As the mother of children she is raising together with their father, she must endure the violence, wait for the authorities to act, and hand her daughters over to a man she fears.

• 2025The Barcelona Provincial Court reopened the case concerning the events of September 2023, because the witnesses had not been heard at first instance. It also twice ordered an investigation into the report of alleged violence by the father against the girls. Despite the pending criminal proceedings, the divorce judgment established joint custody.
• Autumn 2026Irena applied for urgent measures to protect the children. The court did not grant them and awarded custody to the father with immediate effect, without the gradual transition recommended by the therapists. The girls asked not to be handed over to their father, and Irena did not hand them over.
• 24 October 2026Irena was arrested in the presence of her daughters and spent the night in police custody. The girls were handed over to their father. Irena was made subject to an order barring her from coming within 1,000 metres of her daughters or contacting them.

Three criminal cases are open against the father, who is presumed innocent. We are not asking for a conviction. We are asking for the girls to be heard and protected while the justice system investigates.

Particular vulnerability

We have no illusions

Irena is a migrant, a victim of violence and a mother, far from her home country. She is in a particularly vulnerable position. That is why her rights and her daughters’ rights must be especially protected, and her safety closely monitored. Official data confirm it:

Sources: Spain’s Ministry of Equality, “Mujeres especialmente vulnerables a la violencia” (2024 Macro-survey, May 2026), tables 3.9 and 3.18 — figures for women born in other European countries are estimates and should be read with caution; INE, Living Conditions Survey 2025; Ministry of the Interior, VioGén system (2024–2025).

Poland

What we expect from the Consulate General of Poland in Barcelona

Irena and her daughters are Polish citizens. We ask the Consul General, Maciej Bernatowicz, for:

• Consular assistance to Irena, a Polish citizen who is free but facing criminal proceedings and barred from contact with her daughters (art. 5 of the Vienna Convention on Consular Relations): contact with her and attendance at hearings as an observer.
• Protection of the interests of the girls, minor Polish citizens (art. 5(h) of the Convention): a written request to the DGPPIA and the Juvenile Prosecutor’s Office asking whether the girls have been heard and how they are. It is a sign that the Polish state cares about its citizens in a difficult situation.
• Referral of the case to Poland’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs (Consular Department) and to Poland’s Children’s Ombudsman (Rzecznik Praw Dziecka), who has already intervened in cases of Polish children abroad.

Legal basis: 1963 Vienna Convention on Consular Relations, art. 5(e) and (h) (assisting nationals and safeguarding the interests of minor nationals); Polish Consular Law of 25 June 2015 (Prawo konsularne, consolidated text Dz.U. 2023 item 1329), art. 18(1) (protecting citizens’ rights), art. 19 (action where rights are violated contrary to international human-rights standards) and art. 20 (consular assistance, including to victims of violence); Polish Act of 6 January 2000 on the Children’s Ombudsman; UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, arts. 3, 12 and 19; Istanbul Convention, arts. 26 and 31.

Legal context

Vicarious violence: what the law says in Catalonia and Spain

Vicarious violence is violence inflicted on children in order to hurt their mother. The term was coined by psychologist Sonia Vaccaro. It does not start with the children: it is usually a continuation of violence against the woman — coercive control, psychological and physical abuse, harassment — when she tries to leave. The abuser then uses the children as an instrument to keep controlling and hurting the mother — for example through visitation, repeated court proceedings or the custody dispute. Irena describes having suffered exactly this kind of violence before she lost her daughters. Catalonia was the first to recognise vicarious violence in law.

How research and law have developed

• 2010The Catalan Civil Code provides that a parent against whom there are well-founded signs of violence is not to be granted custody of the children.
• 2017Spain’s Parliament adopts the State Pact against Gender Violence.
• 2020Catalonia becomes the first to define vicarious violence in law (Law 17/2020). The first Barnahus opens in Tarragona, where children tell what happened only once and only to specialised professionals.
• 2021In June Spain’s child protection law (LOPIVI) comes into force, and in November Catalonia adopts Decree-Law 26/2021 on vicarious violence, tightening the rules on custody and visits.
• 2023The UN Special Rapporteur on violence against women, Reem Alsalem, finds in report A/HRC/53/36 that family courts ignore violence in custody decisions. Catalonia now has 14 Barnahus.
• 2026The government sends Parliament a dedicated law on vicarious violence. When early elections are called, the bill lapses and remains pending.

Not an isolated case

Irena is not the first mother to fight for her children’s protection

In Spain, many mothers who reported violence and asked for their children to be protected have lost custody or been convicted for trying to protect them. Some well-known cases:

• Irune Costumero (Biscay) — social services removed her daughter. In 2020, UN Special Rapporteurs asked the Spanish government for explanations, and four officials were brought to trial. Público · ONU (2020)
• Juana Rivas (Granada) — convicted of child abduction after reporting abuse, and stripped of parental authority. Her sons paid the highest price: in July 2025 the younger boy was handed over to his father in Italy, although his psychologist warned that he feared for his life, and without the Spanish courts hearing him. The father is on trial in Italy for alleged physical and psychological abuse of both sons, and since then the mother has not been able to speak to her son. Artículo 14 · El Salto
• María Sevilla (Madrid) — convicted of abduction after reporting that her son described abuse; later partially pardoned. El Salto (2022) · El Salto (2023) · Público
• A foreign mother (El Salto, 2025) — after seeking protection in Spain in vain, she travelled with her daughter to her home country. Under the Hague Convention, the girl was taken from her and returned to Spain, and the mother was tried for child abduction. According to a Complutense University study funded by the Ministry of Equality, in 78% of cases where a mother reports sexual violence by the father, he is still granted sole or joint custody.
• María Salmerón, Susana Guerrero, Patricia González, Ana María Bayo, Sara (Extremadura), Daria Sidorkevich, Inma Fuentes… and many more.

Protective-mother networks have documented almost 400 cases. When the same pattern repeats so often, the problem is not each individual mother: the law, or the way it is applied, fails a basic need, protecting children by listening to them. The LOPIVI reform and the vicarious violence law are both still pending.

As similar cases in Spain and around the world show, women’s rights are respected only when we join forces and act together. Join us.

More protective mothers’ cases: El Salto — Madres protectoras · Artículo 14 — Irena

Institutional xenophobia

Being a foreigner must not count against a mother

Research shows that migrant mothers face additional obstacles in the justice and protection systems:

• The Observatory of Institutional Gender Violence (OVIM) analysed 139 cases in its 2026 report: six in ten point to the judicial sector, in 94% the institutions re-victimised the woman, and this violence is more common among migrant women.
• According to migrant mothers’ groups, 62.6% of cases of institutional violence have a racist basis, and child-abuse suspicion registers take into account factors such as the mother being foreign or her command of the language.
• In 2024 GREVIO (Council of Europe) noted that migrant women are overrepresented among victims of gender violence in Spain and called for mandatory training for judges deciding on custody and visitation.
• A 2025 report on the VioGén system concludes that migrant women suffer more victimisation and receive less protection, because risk assessment does not take their situation into account.

A foreign mother with no family in the country, reporting a Spanish citizen with a strong social position, starts at a disadvantage. We ask that Irena be guaranteed equal treatment free from prejudice, as required by article 4(3) of the Istanbul Convention and article 14 of the European Convention on Human Rights.

Human rights

Protecting a child must never be punished

However much we respect the law, punishing a mother who fears for her children violates the law, human rights and children’s rights.

Legal framework on vicarious violence

International, European, Spanish and Catalan laws that protect mothers and children from vicarious violence, with the specific articles.

International (UN)

• Convención sobre los Derechos del Niño (1989) art. 3, 9, 12, 19
  Best interests of the child (3); no separation from a parent unless the child’s interests require it (9); right to be heard (12); protection from all forms of physical or mental violence (19).
• Comité de los Derechos del Niño — Observaciones generales 12, 13 y 14
  How to guarantee the child’s right to be heard (GC 12), to freedom from violence (GC 13) and to have their best interests come first (GC 14).
• CEDAW (1979) y Recomendación general 35 (2017) art. 2, 5, 16.1.d
  Duty to eliminate discrimination and gender stereotypes, including in the courts (2, 5); equality in family matters with the children’s interests paramount (16). The CEDAW Committee already found against Spain in 2014 (communication 47/2012) for ignoring violence when setting visitation.
• Relatora Especial de la ONU sobre la violencia contra las mujeres — informe A/HRC/53/36 (2023)
  Finds that family courts ignore domestic violence in custody decisions.

Europe

• Convenio de Estambul (Consejo de Europa, 2011; España, 2014) art. 4.3, 26, 31, 33, 34, 35, 48, 56
  Non-discrimination, including on grounds of origin or migrant status (4.3); protection of children exposed to violence (26); custody and visitation must take violence into account and not endanger mother or children (31); psychological violence (33), stalking (34) and physical violence (35); ban on mandatory mediation (48); protection of victims during proceedings (56).
• Convenio Europeo de Derechos Humanos art. 3, 8, 14
  Prohibition of inhuman or degrading treatment (3), right to family life (8) and non-discrimination (14). The ECtHR has ruled against states that failed to protect women reporting violence (Opuz v. Turkey, 2009; Talpis v. Italy, 2017).
• Carta de los Derechos Fundamentales de la UE art. 24
  Children have the right to protection, to express their views freely and to have their best interests come first.
• Directiva 2012/29/UE (víctimas) y Directiva (UE) 2024/1385 (violencia contra las mujeres)
  Individual assessment of protection needs, with children presumed particularly vulnerable; the 2024 directive strengthens protection for victims of violence against women and their children.
• Convenio de Lanzarote (Consejo de Europa, 2007) art. 35
  Interviews with children who may be victims of abuse must take place without delay, in adapted premises, by trained professionals and as few times as possible.

Spain

• Constitución Española art. 15, 24, 39
  Right to physical and moral integrity (15), to effective judicial protection (24), and protection of children under international treaties (39.4).
• LO 1/2004 de Medidas de Protección Integral contra la Violencia de Género art. 1.4, 61, 65, 66
  Gender violence includes violence against the children to hurt the mother (1.4); children are victims; the judge may suspend the accused’s parental authority, custody and visits (61, 65, 66).
• LO 8/2021 de Protección Integral a la Infancia y la Adolescencia frente a la Violencia (LOPIVI) art. 11, 15, 16
  Children’s right to be heard (11); anyone who sees signs of violence against a child must report it (15), with a stronger duty for professionals (16).
• LO 1/1996 de Protección Jurídica del Menor art. 2, 9
  The child’s best interests include protection from violence (2); right to be heard in all proceedings, always from age 12 and earlier if mature enough (9).
• Código Civil art. 92.7, 94, 156, 158
  No joint custody or visits for a parent facing criminal proceedings for violence or where there are well-founded signs of domestic or gender violence (92.7, 94); psychological care for the child with one parent’s consent (156); the judge may order urgent protective measures on their own motion or at the request of the child, a relative or the prosecutor (158).
• Código Penal art. 153, 171, 172, 172 ter, 173.2
  Abuse (153), threats (171), coercion (172), stalking/harassment (172 ter) and habitual physical or psychological violence in the family (173.2): the behaviours that make up coercive control.
• Ley de Enjuiciamiento Criminal y Ley de Enjuiciamiento Civil LECrim 544 ter, 544 quinquies · LEC 770.4
  Protection order with civil measures for the children (544 ter); specific measures to protect minors (544 quinquies); hearing the children in family proceedings (770.4).
• Ley 4/2015 del Estatuto de la Víctima del Delito art. 19–26
  Protection of victims, especially children, during investigation and trial, avoiding secondary victimisation.

Catalonia

• Llei 5/2008 del dret de les dones a erradicar la violència masclista (modificada per la Llei 17/2020) art. 4
  Recognises physical, psychological and economic violence, vicarious violence and institutional violence as forms of gender violence, and imposes a duty of due diligence on public authorities.
• Codi civil de Catalunya, llibre segon (reformat pel Decret llei 26/2021) art. 211-6, 233-11.3, 236-3, 236-5
  Child’s best interests and right to be heard, always from age 12 (211-6); no custody for a parent with well-founded signs of violence (233-11.3); child protection measures (236-3); refusal or suspension of visits (236-5).
• Llei 14/2010 dels drets i les oportunitats en la infància i l’adolescència art. 5, 7
  Best interests of the child (5) and right to be heard (7) in all matters affecting them.
• Estratègia Barnahus (Acord GOV/157/2022)
  Units where child victims tell what happened only once, to specialised professionals, in a safe setting.

25 November

Join us at the 25N march in Barcelona

On 25 November, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, we will take to the streets with Barcelona’s feminist movement. The unitary march is called by Novembre Feminista, based at Ca la Dona (c/ Ripoll 25). This year’s slogan is “Feministes antiracistes i antifeixistes contra les violències masclistes” (antiracist and antifascist feminists against gender violence). Come with us and carry the message: listening to children is not optional.

When and where: Wednesday, 25 November 2026 · Barcelona · Latest information: novembrefeminista.caladona.org

Write a letter

One letter can make a difference

Institutions respond when they receive many well-founded requests. Anyone can write to the Síndic de Greuges de Catalunya (Catalan Ombudsman) and to the Consulate General of Poland. Copy the template, add your name and send it. Please never write to the girls or their father, and never pass messages to the girls through other people.

To the Síndic de Greuges de Catalunya (in Spanish or Catalan)

Online complaint at sindic.cat · sindic@sindic.cat · 900 124 124

Al Síndic de Greuges de Catalunya:

Me dirijo a usted como ciudadana/o preocupada/o por la situación de dos niñas, hijas de Irena, ciudadana polaca residente en Cataluña, cuyo caso se ha hecho público en el diario Artículo 14 (8 de noviembre de 2026): https://www.articulo14.es/016-ni-una-mas/que-lleva-a-una-madre-a-esconderse-con-sus-hijas-20261108.html

Según la información disponible, Irena denunció violencia y solicitó protección para sus hijas. Dos informes psicológicos describen miedo y ansiedad en las niñas y recomiendan que cualquier cambio en la custodia sea gradual. Aun así, la custodia se modificó de forma inmediata y no consta que las niñas hayan sido escuchadas por profesionales especializados en un entorno seguro.

En el marco de sus competencias de defensa de los derechos de la infancia, le solicito que se dirija a la DGPPIA y a la Fiscalía de Menores para que:
1. las niñas sean escuchadas sin demora, con las garantías del modelo Barnahus (art. 9 LO 1/1996, art. 211-6 CCCat, art. 12 de la Convención sobre los Derechos del Niño);
2. se garantice su seguridad y su bienestar;
3. se valore su vínculo con la madre, de acuerdo con su interés superior.

Atentamente,
[Nombre y apellidos, DNI/NIE, correo electrónico]

To the Consulate General of Poland in Barcelona (in Polish)

barcelona.konsul@msz.gov.pl

Szanowny Panie Konsulu Generalny,

zwracam się w sprawie Ireny, obywatelki RP mieszkającej w Katalonii, oraz jej dwóch małoletnich córek. Sprawę opisał hiszpański dziennik Artículo 14 (8 listopada 2026 r.): https://www.articulo14.es/016-ni-una-mas/que-lleva-a-una-madre-a-esconderse-con-sus-hijas-20261108.html

Proszę o:
1. objęcie Ireny opieką konsularną, w tym obecność przedstawiciela Konsulatu na rozprawach w charakterze obserwatora (art. 5 Konwencji wiedeńskiej o stosunkach konsularnych, art. 18–20 ustawy Prawo konsularne);
2. pisemne wystąpienie do DGPPIA i Fiscalía de Menores o informację, czy dziewczynki zostały wysłuchane i jak się czują (art. 5 lit. h Konwencji wiedeńskiej);
3. przekazanie sprawy do Departamentu Konsularnego MSZ oraz do Rzecznika Praw Dziecka.

Będzie to wyraz zainteresowania państwa polskiego losem Polek w trudnej sytuacji.

Z wyrazami szacunku,
[imię i nazwisko, adres e-mail]

Want to send Irena a few words of support? Message us privately on Instagram and we will pass them on.

Fundraiser

Support Irena

Funds will go towards Irena’s legal and defence costs.

The fundraiser will be published here shortly.

Asking for support

Who have we asked for help?

We have written to people with a public voice, asking them to raise awareness of Irena’s case. Here you can see who we asked and whether they have replied. If you follow any of them, tag them with #EstamosConIrenka.

Take action

How you can help

As similar cases in Spain and around the world show, women’s rights are respected only when we join forces and act together. Join us.

Share this page

The more people know about the case, the harder it is to ignore these girls. Use #EstamosConIrenka.

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25N — Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women

Join the 25 November gatherings and carry the message: listening to children is not optional.

Write to the institutions

Anyone can file a complaint with the Síndic de Greuges (Catalan Ombudsman) asking that the girls be heard in a protected setting.

Protect the girls

Do not share photos, names, school or any detail that could identify them. Do not send the girls messages through other people.

Resources

Organisations working on this issue

Catalunya

• Síndic de Greuges — Catalan Ombudsman, including children’s rights
• Institut Català de les Dones — helpline 900 900 120
• Infància Respon (116 111) — reporting child abuse
• Fundació Vicki Bernadet — child sexual abuse
• Associació Hèlia — support for women experiencing gender violence
• Plataforma Unitària contra les Violències de Gènere — network of Catalan organisations

Spain

• Fundación ANAR — help for children and teenagers at risk
• Save the Children Spain — children’s rights
• Women’s Link Worldwide — human-rights litigation for women and girls
• Coordinadora Estatal para la erradicación de la Violencia Vicaria y la Violencia de Género Institucional

Poland

• Fundacja Centrum Praw Kobiet — women’s rights, violence, family law
• Fundacja Dajemy Dzieciom Siłę — child protection
• Rzecznik Praw Dziecka — Poland’s Children’s Ombudsman

International

• UN Special Rapporteur on violence against women
• Istanbul Convention — GREVIO (Council of Europe)

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